Leaders Eat Last

Introduction

The title "Leaders Eat Last" comes from a common practice in the military, where the highest-ranking officers would be the last to eat at mealtime.

• This symbolizes the leader's commitment to putting the needs of their people first and taking care of them before themselves, even their own survival.

However, the business world presents a different reality. Companies, big or small, face fierce competition and prioritize short-term goals to ensure their continued success and survival. This can create a tension between profitability and employee well-being, often seen as an intangible concept.

• Many employees go to work not necessarily because they love their jobs, but to support their families and pursue personal goals.
• They feel no loyalty to a company whose leaders offer them no sense of belonging or reason to stay beyond money and benefits.
• Simon Sinek argues that prioritizing the care of human beings within organizations should not be a luxury, but a strategic investment in today's world. When employees feel safe, valued, and motivated, they are more likely to excel in their work, contribute their ideas, and go the extra mile during challenging times. This translates to higher productivity, innovation, and ultimately, a more successful organization.

Leading with Empathy: Building a Stronger Team

Empathy is the cornerstone of building trust within an organization.

• It reminds us that everyone, from leadership to office employees, deserves fair treatment. This fosters a sense of respect and belonging, replacing obligation with pride in one's work.

Effective leaders prioritize the well-being of their employees. This creates a sense of security and trust, where team members feel supported and empowered. In turn, this collaborative spirit fosters a culture of mutual care, where employees naturally look out for each other and the organization's success.

• Humans are wired for survival, and fear can be a powerful motivator.
• When we feel threatened, even by internal competition or a lack of trust, we instinctively prioritize self-preservation. This can lead to a breakdown in cooperation, hindering the organization's ability to face external challenges and capitalize on promising opportunities.
• Conversely, when employees feel safe and valued within their team, a sense of camaraderie (belonging) emerges. This fosters trust, openness, and a willingness to collaborate. This collaborative spirit strengthens the organization as a whole, allowing it to face external challenges with greater resilience and innovation.

The Leader's Role in Building A Safe Space

Leaders play a crucial role in shaping an organization's culture through their inclusion practices.

• They act as gatekeepers, deciding who joins the team and becomes part of a collaborative "family".
• To cultivate a strong sense of belonging, leaders should prioritize compatibility with the organization's values and culture (beyond just past achievements like grades or working experience). This cultural fit fosters a sense of shared purpose and encourages collaboration.

Leaders are also responsible for defining a boundaries of psychological safety within the team,.

• Ideally, this "safe space" should extend beyond senior executives to encompass everyone in the organization.
• When employees are within the circle, they feel valued by colleagues and cared for by superiors.
• Without a sense of safety and belonging, employees may feel isolated and resort to working in silos to protect themselves. This can lead to political manoeuvring, cover-ups and slowed information flow - all detrimental to the organization's success.

Ultimately, the leader's personality and values set the cultural tone.

• A positive and inclusive approach fosters a sense of belonging, psychological safety, and collaboration, while a negative one leads to isolation and detrimental behaviours.

The Biology Behind Our Social Needs

Humans are social animals, and positive social interaction beyond work is crucial for building trust and relationships.

• In the past, our ancestors worked together to solve problems and survive.
• We lived in close-knit communities, relying on each other to raise young, care for the sick, and overcome challenges.
• This sense of belonging and shared purpose fostered cooperation, a key factor in human survival and evolution.

Our social is natural is reflected in our biology.

• Just as promises of rewards or threats of punishment can influence our behaviour, our bodies have a complex system of chemical incentives that promote positive and negative feelings (e.g. happiness, pride, joy or anxiety) to guide our actions.
• To illustrate, endorphins and dopamine are key motivators that influence our pursuit of personal goals.
• While the other two, serotonin and oxytocin incentive us to work together and develops feelings of trust, love and loyalty.

Endorphins are often released in response to stress or fear.

• They act as a natural painkiller, masking physical discomfort with feelings of pleasure.
• This is evident in the euphoria experienced by athletes during or after a challenging workout, giving them an edge in building physical endurance – a skill crucial for survival in the Palaeolithic era when hunting for food.
• Laughter also triggers the release of endorphins, which explains why a little light-heartedness can help relax those around us and reduce tension, allowing everyone to focus on completing tasks.

Dopamine, on the other hand, is the brain's reward system, motivating us to make progress.

• It is associated with the feeling of accomplishment we experience after completing an important task, finishing a project, or reaching a goal.
• The greater the effort required to achieve a goal, the more dopamine is released, making us feel even more satisfied. This explains why working hard to overcome challenges feels rewarding.
• Additionally, setting clear and specific goals tends to be more motivating than vague aspirations like "being better" or "doing more."
• Nonetheless, cocaine, nicotine, alcohol, gambling and excessive social media use all hijack our natural reward system. This leads to a surge of dopamine that can be highly addictive, but often comes at a high cost and with negative long-term consequences. For instance, social media and alcohol use have become increasingly common coping mechanisms for a segment on the population.

Serotonin is a key player in our social motivation. It fuels our desire for leadership and the feeling of accomplishment that comes with gaining respect and recognition from others.

• This chemical surge makes us feel strong, confident and capable of taking on challenges.
• As social creatures, we naturally crave approval and a sense of value derived from our efforts.
• Award ceremonies, company recognition programs, graduations, and even social media interactions like "likes" on Facebook, views on YouTube, and followers on Instagram all trigger the release of serotonin. This explains the distinct difference in the feeling of crossing a finish line alone compared to the elation of a cheering crowd as you break the tape.

Oxytocin, often referred to as the "love hormone", play a crucial role in fostering feelings of friendship, love and deep trust. It strengthens our sense of human connection.

• When we do something kind for someone, or they do something kind for us, without expecting anything in return, oxytocin is released, inspiring further acts of generosity and empathy.
• As we build trust with others and they reciprocate, the flow of oxytocin strengthens, solidifying our bond.
• Our brains are wired to release oxytocin when we feel safe and connected, like being with our "tribe". Conversely, cortisol, the stress hormone, surges when we feel isolated and vulnerable.
• Furthermore, oxytocin is also released with physical contact, such as during hugs and holding hands. It is also why children often crave physical contact with their caregivers.
• Unlike dopamine, which is associated with instant gratification, oxytocin provides lasting feelings of calm and security, promoting stronger social bonds.

Cortisol is the hormone responsible for the stress and anxiety we experience.

• When the body perceives a threat, cortisol triggers the fight-or-flight response to increase our chances of survival. This response elevates our heart rate, tense our muscles and prepares us to either confront the threat or flee from it.
• Once the perceived threat has passed, cortisol levels naturally decrease, allowing our bodies to return to a relaxed state.
• However, chronic stress, caused by ongoing threats or a lack of support, can keep cortisol levels elevated. This can lead us to react with aggression in an attempt to protect ourselves, prioritizing our own interests and engaging others only when absolutely necessary.
• Cortisol can also inhibit the release oxytocin, the hormone associated with empathy and social bonding. This biological response makes us more focused on self-preservation and less likely to take risk to help others.

The True Cost of Leadership

When we perceive someone as the alpha, the strong and supportive leader of the group, we naturally step back and respect them.

• There is no resistance towards someone who outranks us at work having certain advantages like higher pay, a larger office or a better parking space.

However, these leadership perks come with a significant responsibility - selflessness.

• When the group faces an external threat, we expect the leader, empowered by the confidence boost from serotonin release, to be the first one to step up and protect the team.
• This is why we feel so betrayed by overpaid leaders who take the financial rewards and perks, but fail to uphold the social contract. They not only fail to protect their people and in some cases, even sacrifice their people to protect or boost their own interests.

While everyone has the potential to be a leader, not everyone has the courage to make the necessary sacrifices – time, energy, and personal comfort – for the benefit of others.

• Talent and strengths pale in comparison to the responsibility a leader holds towards their people.
• In today's world, many leaders who rise through the ranks can sometimes lose sight of their core purpose.
• They may become consumed by self-interest and power, forgetting that the perks they enjoy are bestowed upon them because of their position, not as personal entitlements.
• Without the role, they are simply another member of the team.

Building Trust for a Thriving Team

Our brains are a fascinating combination of the neocortex, responsible for rational thought and communication, and the limbic system, governing our emotions, trust and social behaviour.

• Nothing truly valuable on Earth is built by individuals lone. Collaboration is key.

For instance, trust is a very special human experience, fostered by oxytocin, a hormone important to build strong communities. It reduces friction and creates an environment conducive to high performance.

• Technology, no matter how sophisticated, simply operates according to a set of variables.
• Similarly, a comprehensive rulebook cannot anticipate every situation.

For trust to truly benefit both individuals and the group, it must be shared.

• A leader's responsibility lies in teaching their team the rules, equipping them with skills, and building their confidence.
• At this point, true leadership involves stepping back and trusting that their team can handle challenges and make the right decisions.
• The end goal of leadership is to provide direction and intent, empowering others to determine the path forward, ultimately fostering a more engaged and effective team.

Effective leadership also involves providing support for those working below.

• When people feel empowered to make decisions, even if it means bending the rules at times, they are more likely to choose the right course of action.
• Courage, after all, thrives in an environment of trust. Our confidence to do what is right is directly linked to how trusted we feel by our leaders.
• In cultures where leaders hold onto control too tightly, people become more concerned with following rules out of fear of punishment than with actually doing what needs to be done. This stifles innovation and problem-solving, as employees are trained to comply, not to think critically.

Integrity, honesty, and taking responsibility for our actions are essential for building and maintaining trust. This means being upfront and accountable, not waiting until you get caught.

• Leaders who consistently demonstrate these qualities foster a sense of security and psychological safety within their teams. This is crucial because leadership is not about being right all the time.
• True leaders understand that honesty, even when it involves admitting mistakes, strengthens trust and creates a more open and collaborative environment.
• Leadership often comes from telling us not what we want to hear, but rather what we need to hear. By fostering a foundation of trust and open communication, leaders can guide their teams through challenges and achieve success.

The Paradox of Progress: When Connection Erodes

Every generation seems to challenge or rebel against the values of the one before it.

• Each new generation carries a unique set of beliefs shaped by the experiences, events, and technologies of their youth. These values often differ from those held by their parents.
• For example, the 1950s were defined by a culture of loyalty, where employees dedicated their careers to a single company, and companies expected such long-term commitment.
• However, a gradual shift towards self-realization began to take hold. People became more focused on their own happiness and well-being, prioritizing individual needs over those of the group. "Selfish" replaced "selfless" as the dominant mindset.

This shift in values has established a new set of norms in business and society.

• Profit often takes precedence over people's well-being, leading to a decline in empathy and a focus on short-term gains.
• Hard work and dedication no longer guarantee job security.
• Layoffs can happen simply to meet financial goals, leaving employees feeling unsafe and uncommitted.

As a species, our natural inclination to cooperate and share stemmed from a time when resources were scarce and dangers abundant.

• Ironically, in our current state of relative abundance, the more wealth we accumulate, the less we seem to want to share.
• Our desire for more, combined with a decline in face-to-face interactions with those around us, creates a sense of detachment.
• Now more than ever, we find ourselves working and living in a world where we are strangers to those around us, despite striving for productivity and happiness.
• We no longer see each other as human beings; we have become labels – customers, shareholders, employees and colleagues.
• This disconnect is further amplified by the numerical abstraction of financial reports. Without physically seeing the human cost of our decisions, we are capable of inflicting greater harm, as illustrated by Stanley Milgram's experiment.
• In Milgram experiment, ordinary people readily administered shocks to unseen victims, rationalizing their actions by deflecting responsibility to their superiors with the simple phrase, "We are just following orders".
• This lack of human connection is also evident online, where people hurl insults and engage in cyberbullying with complete anonymity, a behaviour they probably would not exhibit in person.

Civil society thrives when we value right and wrong, even when the law is silent.

• However, this sense of right and wrong often seems to disappear in the business world, where exploiting loopholes is a common practice until new regulations are created (and sometimes businesses even lobby against these changes).
• The Titanic, for instance, set sail in 1912 with the legal minimum of lifeboats – sixteen. This number, however, was woefully inadequate for a ship of its unprecedented size (4 times larger than the standard on which the law was based), tragically contributing to the loss of over 1500 lives.

Building Trust in a Digital Age

The power of real connection

• Just as money cannot buy love, the internet cannot replace the intimacy of real-life connection.
• Relationships can certainly start online, but they only become truly meaningful when we meet face-to-face.

Obeys Dunbar's Number

• Dunbar's Number suggest that humans are naturally limited in the number of close relationships we can manage - around 150.
• Our limited daily time and brain capacity restrict the number of people we can truly know and trust.
• To manage larger groups, we rely on structures like hierarchies and bureaucracies.

The power of seeing the impact

• As social creatures, we are motivated by the tangible impact of our work.
• Similar to Milgram's experiment, seeing the positive outcomes of our efforts fuels our desire to do even better.
• This can be explained by the biological release of oxytocin when we know we are helping others.

Time: The most valuable investment

• While financial support is valuable, our brain tends to interpret time and effort investment as a deeper commitment.
• Unlike money with its relative value (e.g. $100 to a student versus a millionaire), time and effort hold a universal significance.

Be patient - The rule of seven days and seven years

• The initial excitement of a new relationship, whether personal or professional, is driven by dopamine, not necessarily trust.
• Genuine trust takes time and consistent interaction to develop.
• Unlike instant gratification available online (e.g. finding answers with a quick Google search, online shopping), building trust-based relationships that can weather challenges is a slow process that cannot be rushed.

Building A Culture for Long-Term Growth

Cultures that emphasize individual performance and short-term wins have created a system of competition that pits colleagues against each other, hindering long-term success.

• This approach, fuelled by a dopamine-driven "addiction" to performance, can bring out the worst in employees.
• It has become clear that effective leadership goes beyond just financial metrics; it is about taking responsibility for the well-being of the people you lead.

Similarly, the tendency towards instant gratification, often sought through online interactions and alcohol use, can hinder the development of real, trusting relationships that are crucial for a strong team environment.

• The dopamine-releasing effects of the ping, buzz or flash of a cell phone feel good and create the the desire and drive to repeat the behaviour that produces that feeling. We are easily distracted to the extent that we check our phones immediately instead of completing the original task first (e.g. driving).
• This acculturated impatience, a byproduct of instant gratification, make us less likely to commit time or effort to one thing for a long enough period to see results. We easily give up, even when desiring a positive change.
  
• Even worse, people who spend excessive time on Facebook frequently become depressed as they compare their perceived lives with their perception of other's lives.
  

Despite these challenges, there is reason for optimism.

• We have the power to redefine leadership and build a more collaborative and supportive work culture.
• An analogy can be drawn from Newton's Second Law of Motion: force equals mass times acceleration. A significant shift in the current workplace dynamic requires dedicated effort and adaptation, but the potential rewards are substantial. Remember, change does not have to be instantaneous; even gradual improvements can build momentum over time.
  
• After all, leadership is not a license to do less; it is a responsibility to do more and empower others.

Summary

As emphasized in Simon Sinek's "Start With Why", leadership is not about power or authority.

• It is about having a clear and compelling vision that inspires followers to action and the ability to communicate it effectively.

In his second book "Leaders Eat Last", Simon Sinek argues that true leaders prioritize the well-being and success of their team members, creating an environment of trust, collaboration, and shared purpose.

• In return, these colleagues are empowered and motivated to contribute their best efforts towards the leader's vision and the organization's success.

For a deeper dive into building trust and fostering a thriving team, pick up a copy of Leaders Eat Last!