My Two-cent Beliefs

Introduction

I recently delved into self-improvement books, initially captivated by the content.

• I envisioned how differently my life could have unfolded if I had read them sooner.
• However, as the initial excitement waned, I realised that these seemingly profound theories were often packaged to appear more significant than they truly were and glossed over the complexities of individual lives.

The Flawed Promise of Universality

Many self-improvement books offer reflections on the author's experiences, honed over years of refinement into sophisticated theories.

• Similar to an industrialized approach, the author aims to break down complex and uncertain realities into easily replicable components through specific, mass-produced wisdom.
• The illusion of universality arises when these theories are embellished with universal truths and historical anecdotes. This makes them difficult to disprove, creating a sense of inherent value.

A universal truth might be as simple as humans being creatures of both intelligence and emotion. We harbour deep desires that can fuel incredible sacrifices, which could be the key to unlocking positive change.

• The theme of change in self-improvement books resonates with readers seeking a clear path forward, even before they delve into the specifics of "how".
• Our subconscious reactions (habits) are implicitly shaped by our perspective and understanding of the world.
• Hence, to elicit a lasting positive change in behaviour, we ultimately aim to shift our thinking paradigm. Otherwise, the discomfort of change can lead us to revert to our old selves.
• An alternative approach suggests repetitively practicing new positive habits until our inner mind accept them as part of our personalities. Determination and persistence, fuelled by strong inner desire, play a key role here.

However, these books often fail to acknowledge the complexities of individual circumstances.

• The inspiring stories we encounter often omit the socioeconomic advantages and years of hard work that laid the foundation for such achievements.
• It is akin to assuming the last slice of bread was the most filling, neglecting the entire meal.
• Furthermore, luck and time play significant roles in success, but these factors tend to be dismissed due to their lack of quantifiability. Success is often attributed solely to well-held values. After all, victors write the history.
• Therefore, the effectiveness of these broadly shared lessons varies. Some achieve success through them, while others do not.

In this uncertain world, everyone encounters similar fundamental challenges throughout life, including basic necessities, human relationships, poor habits and life goals.

• Hence, many reach similar conclusions simply through life experiences and learning from tradition, bypassing self-improvement books altogether.
• Nonetheless, life experiences still vary greatly, shaping unique lessons for each individual.
• Raised in different environments by parents with varying incomes and values, we each form our own individual ways of explaining how the world works, regardless of whether these assumptions are ultimately true or false.
• For example, COVID-19 has taught us the importance of living life to the fullest, as tomorrow is never guaranteed. While future generations may read about it in history books, they will never fully grasp the first-hand experience of life's fragility, where even young, healthy adult can die from the disease.
• Remember, the world is full of people with diverse perspectives and ways of life. Those who behave, think and value differently than us does not make them an idiot or crazy.

The Realities of the World: Beyond Simple Theories

Many self-improvement books argue that when breaking down a success into a few achievable goals, the task of excellence may not feel so overwhelming.

• Stop focusing on how to make a million dollars when you are only on your way to earning your first hundred dollars.
• However, working harder does not coincide with the end goal of success in life.
• External factors like socioeconomic background, access to opportunities, and even a bit of luck can significantly influence outcomes.

The world is rarely a place of perfect fairness.

• Good people can be exploited, prompting questions about who truly deserves our help.
• Socioeconomic disparities exist - some people are born into wealth and privilege, while others face poverty and hardship.

Sometimes, it is who you know, not what you know, that determines your success.

• Children of rich people have access to the best schools, the best teachers and the best opportunities. They are also more likely to have connections to powerful people who can help them get ahead.
• On the other hand, children of poor people have to work harder and be more determined. They have to be careful about the risks they take because they cannot afford to make too many mistakes.

Despite the challenges, the world is filled with stories of individuals overcoming adversity and achieving remarkable success.

• These tales of resilience and determination are often celebrated and shared, inspiring others to pursue their own dreams.
• However, behind every success story lie countless efforts that went unnoticed, struggles that remained unspoken.

Regardless, the values emphasized in Chinese culture - those same values instilled in me during my upbringing - serve as m guiding light in the face of temptation and life's complexities.

• Values are not simply what exists, but what we believe ought to exist

My Values and Beliefs: Rooted in Chinese Culture

While self-improvement books offer general frameworks, true growth often stems from deeply personal values. In my case, being raised in a Chinese cultural environment profoundly shaped me. My innocence was nurtured by Chinese beliefs, language and customs. Repetitive values instilled by family members at young age - ethical conduct and modesty - formed the core of my character, helping me navigate the complexities and hardships of life.

• From a young age, I was taught essential virtues (美德) like honesty, kindness, patience, humility, hard work, wisdom and integrity. My grandmother's words resonated deeply:" The easiest way to make money is through theft or fraud, but these methods are ultimately immoral."
• In life's grey areas, I find guidance in the Yin-Yang principle, seeking balance between extremes (中庸之道) and remaining adaptable.
• The Noble Eightfold Path (八正道) further solidifies my moral compass.

Childhood was filled with quotes of wisdom (智慧名言) and "wisdom stories", each offering valuable lessons.

• 人生没有如果，却有很多但是。
• 不懂得宽容的人将失去别人的尊重；一味宽容的人将失去尊严。
• 花不会永远为蜜蜂盛开，但在花盛开时，蜜蜂便努力地采取花的花蜜，这叫珍惜。
• 快乐的秘诀不在于做自己喜欢的事，而是喜欢自己所做的事。
• 人生的旅途从不出售来回车票，一旦动身，绝不能复返。
• 如果不能拥有最好的，不如将手中的视为最好的。
• 神给我宁静以接受自己不能改变的事，给我勇气以改变可变之事，也给我智慧分别两者之别。
• 时间就像海绵中的水一样，只要你愿意挤，总是还有的。
• 做好了给自己拍拍掌，做不好当作是一种经验。
• 对自己，要想得开；对别人，要放得开。
• 求神，香油钱诚意即可；求人，酒菜钱马虎不得。
• 一个人的快乐，不是因为他拥有的多，而是因为他计较的少。
• 不给自己留退路，就会有出路。
• 爱，就大声说出来，因为你永远都不会知道，明天和意外，哪个会先来！
• 生气是拿别人做错的事来惩罚自己。
• 人生没有彩排，每一天都是现场直播。
• 每天告诉自己一次：我真的很不错。
  

Many Chinese idioms and proverbs, despite their brevity, hold profound meaning rooted in historical events. Here are a few examples:

• 拔苗助长。
• 愚公移山。
• 掩耳盗铃。
• 因材施教。
• 居安思危。
• 卧薪尝胆。
• 小不忍则乱大谋。
  
• 一失足成千古恨，再回头已是百年生。
• 只要功夫深，铁杵磨成针。
• 智者千虑，必有一失；愚者千虑，必有一得。
• 路遥知马力，日久见人心。
• 塞翁失马焉知非福。
• 失败乃是成功之母。
  
• 树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不待。
• 己所不欲勿施于人。
• 读书破万卷，下笔如有神。
• 若要人不知，除非己莫为。
• 尽信书不如无书。
• 吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。
• 物极必反，否极泰来。
• 欲速则不达。
• 千里之行，始于足下。
• 上梁不正下梁歪。
• 忠言逆耳利于行，良药苦口利于病。
• 勿与恶小而为之，勿与善小而不为。
• 得饶人处且饶人。
• 良言一句暖三冬，恶语伤人六月寒。
• 来说是非者，必是是非人。
• 为人莫做亏心事，半夜敲门心不惊。
• 斩草不除根，春风吹又生。
• 命里有时终须有，命里无时莫强求。
• 少壮不努力，老大徒伤悲。
• 有麝自然香何必当风立。
• 有意栽花花不发，无心插柳柳成荫。
• 学而不思则罔，思而不学则怠。
• 见人之过，得己之过；闻人之过，想己之过。
• 由俭入奢易，由奢入俭难。
• 一寸光阴一寸金，寸金难买寸光阴。
• 山不转路转，路不转人转，人不转心转。
• 天下难事，必作于易；天下大事，必做于细。
• 临河而羡鱼，不如归家织网。
• 温故而知新，可以为师矣。
• 人而无信，不知其可也。
• 天下无难事，只怕有心人。
• 鱼乘于水，鸟乘于风，草木乘于时。
• 耳不闻人之非，目不视人之短，口不言人之过。
• 命里有时终须有，命里无时莫强求。谋事在人，成事在天。
• 是非终日有，不听自然无。
• 情人眼中出西施。
• 物以类聚，人以群分。
• 一样米养百样人。
• 玩人丧德，玩物丧志。志以道宁，言以道接。
  

These proverbs may sometimes seem contraindicatory, like blind men describing an elephant by touching different parts.

• 古人说：人定胜天；可古人又说：天意难违！
• 古人说：日久见人心；可古人有说：人心隔肚皮！
• 古人说：兔子不吃窝边草；可古人又说：近水楼台先得月！
• 古人说：宰相肚里能撑船；可古人又说：有仇不报非君子！
• 古人说：人不犯我，我不犯人；可古人又说：先下手为强，后下手遭殃！
• 古人说：男子汉大丈夫，宁死不屈；可古人又说：男子汉大丈夫，能屈能伸！
• 古人说：车到山前必有路；可古人又说：不撞南墙不回头！
• 古人说：礼轻情谊重；可古人又说：礼多人不怪！
• 古人说：人多力量大；可古人又说：人多嘴杂！
• 古人说：一个好汉三个帮；可古人又说：靠人不如靠己！
• 古人说：瘦死的骆驼比马大；可古人又说：拔了毛的凤凰不如鸡！
• 古人说：宁可玉碎，不能瓦全；可古人又说：留得青山在，不怕没柴烧！
• 古人说：人不可貌相，海水不可斗量；可古人又说：人靠衣裳马靠鞍！
• 古人说：浪子回头金不换；可古人又说：好马不吃回头草！
• 古人说：金钱不是万能的；可古人又说：有钱能使鬼推磨！
• 古人说：出淤泥而不染；可古人又说：近朱者赤，近墨者黑！
• 古人说：青取之于蓝而胜于蓝；可古人又说：姜还是老的辣！
• 古人说：得饶人处且饶人；可古人又说：纵虎归山，后患无穷！
• 古人说：小心驶得万年船；可古人又说：撑死胆大的，饿死胆小的！
• 古人说：邪不压正；可古人又说：道高一尺，魔高一丈！
• 古人说：人人为我，我为人人；可古人又说：人不为己，天诛地灭！
• 古人说：人无远虑，必有近忧；可古人又说：今朝有酒今朝醉！
• 古人说：知无不言，言无不尽；可古人又说：交浅勿言深，沉默是金！
• Wisdoms is akin to a jigsaw puzzle: each piece a fragment of truth, but not the complete picture.

As we mature, we integrate these ideas, selectively adopting those that resonate and discarding those that do not.

• While wisdom offers potential shortcuts, true understanding and paradigm shifts often stem from personal experiences or those of loved ones (the natural law of growth in wisdom).
• For instance, the importance of good health is often emphasized, but it is not until we witness the struggles of a loved one's illness that we truly appreciate it.

The Pendulum of Parenting: From Scarcity to Abundance

The complexities of the real world extend to every realm of life aspects. Often, these complexities follows a cyclical pattern, including fashion trends and parenting philosophies.

• Due to childhood experiences, we may swing from one extreme to the other, believing the opposite approach reigns supreme. However, moderation remains the key.
• With moderation, we are open to ideas and the best of both worlds.

For all mothers and fathers, parenting feels like a completely new experiment, where the true impact unfolds over a lifetime.

• Today, there is a strong movement advocating for love-based teaching instead of punishment-heavy method.
• Growing up with limited resources, some parents strive to provide their children with everything they themselves lacked.

In the past, it was not our parents did not want to give us the best; their socio-economic realities limited them.

• We grew up believing we lived in a poor family, unable to afford everything we desired. This instilled in us the value of saving money and avoiding unnecessary spending.
• We learned to be resilient and resourceful, constantly challenged by reality. When faced with failures in the future, our strong heart did not tremble easily, as rejection was a normal part of life for us. We would not fall into depression as readily.
• At a young age, we learn to be independent and developed a strong determination to work hard for a better and secure life when we grew up.
• Without readily available electronics, physical activity, board games and reading naturally became our primary entertainment.

Times have changed, and so has technology.

• Today, with the prevalence of smartphones and social media, children are indirectly exposed to their parents' constant use, potentially shaping their own digital habits.
• The convenience of medication often leads to a neglect of building natural immunity. We might also prevent children from playing in the rain or getting dirty, fearing illness. This can further weaken their immune systems and contribute to the rise of allergies.
• In the name of protecting them from foodborne illness, we prioritize organic food and limit dietary exposure, potentially creating sensitive stomachs prone to food poisoning. Out of love, offering only preferred foods can foster unhealthy eating habits.
• We live in a world saturated with sugary fast food and endless online entertainment, both promoting a more sedentary lifestyle.
• Entertainment dramas and shows are now filled with unrealistic love stories and questionable morals, a stark contrast to the past television shows that focused on promoting kindness, loyalty, bravery, honesty and other valuable virtues.

Having said that, I do not believe restricting children's access to technology and fast food is a good idea.

• The real world is full of these things, and once they have more freedom, they may develop unhealthy cravings if they haven't learned proper self-discipline.
• Instead, we should focus on instilling a sense of correct priorities and self-control.

Hence, behind it is too late, ask yourself: What values and qualities do you want to instil in your children? What are the long-term effects of our current, loving parenting style?

The Money Maze: Finding Your Path to a Fulfilling life.

Often, when we are poor, we believe achieving financial freedom will lead to a happier life.

• This determination to work hard and build a better life starts from an early age.
• However, the pursuit of ever-greater riches can become a relentless trap, fuelled by success, greed and the fear of loss.
• We could live comfortably with our current income, but when we compare ourselves to the top 1% (or even the top 1% of the top 1%), we become unhappy and feel like we will never have enough.
• This ignites the rat race for money, power and status, a cycle that seems to continue indefinitely.

There is a glaring contrast between the limited time we have on this earth and the seemingly endless game of chasing wealth.

• Any achievements we are proud of are just fleeting moments in a vast sea, never truly meaningful to others, except ourselves.
• What truly matters is how our loved ones will remember us when we leave this world, whether for heaven or hell.

No doubt, money plays a crucial role in today's world. Every element of a better life - healthcare, quality education and fulfilment - deserves a financial investment, which is only accessible with sufficient wealth.

• Without financial independence, we are constantly chasing bills and cannot live life on our terms.
• Even living unhappily, we may not dare to quit our jobs and pursue our passions.
• Dreams of enjoying occasional luxuries like traveling the world or indulging in a nice meal remain just that - dreams.
• Therefore, in our youth, many often sacrifice time and health for the sake of more money. We aim to build a comfortable future with a financial reserve that can last us through retirement.

However, as we age and witness loved ones fall sick or pass away, we begin to treasure time, relationships and health more.

• We crave a change from the monotonous work routine and dream of living a happy life with family.
• The theme of a happy life remains, but the path to achieving it takes a different turn.

Therefore, in financial planning, avoid extremes. Otherwise, you risk lasting regrets.

• While every dollar spent on luxuries like jewellery, cars, or large homes decreases your overall wealth and potentially hinders future investments, these purchases are permissible if you are already financially secure.
• Remember, building a financial reserve provides a safety net for difficult times, but it does not mean depriving yourself of all enjoyment.
• After all, money is earned to be spent, not to enslave us.

Ultimately, financial planning is personal, tailored to your individual goals, desires, and priorities.

• The key to a meaningful and successful life lies in harmonizing your pursuit of financial security with time dedicated to loved ones and personal pursuits.
• Start by reflecting on your own values and what truly brings you happiness. Then, create a financial plan that supports those goals.
• Remember, your plan should be adaptable enough to accommodate your evolving priorities.

Summary

The world is intricate, defying simple explanations.

• Different perspectives lead to diverse interpretations of the same event.
• Seeking a singular "theory of life" is akin to chasing one's tail – a never-ending and ultimately futile pursuit.

Ultimately, the value of self-improvement books lies in broadening our perspectives and offering glimpses into how past wisdom was built, rather than as a blueprint for success.

• Empowered by these insights, we can then forge our own personal values to guide our paths.