The Mountain Is You

Introduction

"The Mountain Is You" by Brianna Wiest explores the concept of self-sabotage, examining the internal conflicts and unmet needs that drive behaviours impeding progress and happiness.

• Ultimately, the journey is not about conquering external mountains, but mastering the self.

The Nature of Life's Challenges

Even when life presents challenges, discomfort, and change, it often works towards our benefit.

• Problems can serve as powerful catalysts for personal growth.
• The breakdown experienced at rock bottom can be the transformative tipping point leading to a breakthrough or an awakening to long-standing issues.

Mountains have long been used metaphorically to represent spiritual awakenings, personal growth journeys, and the seemingly insurmountable challenges we face.

• These mountains manifest as relationship issues, career obstacles, financial difficulties, debilitating low self-esteem, pervasive fear, or general discontentment.
• However, the true barrier is often the unconscious self, hindering our progression to our aspired conscious self.
• At rock bottom, we reach a breaking point, finally accepting that the problem lies not in the world, but within ourselves, prompting a decisive commitment to change.
• Facing these internal mountains is the only path to freedom and self-betterment - a rebirth achieved by releasing the old self to the transformative fire of vision and embracing our destined journey.

Self-Sabotage

Often, we settle for what we are handed, rather than envisioning a better choice.

• We become too comfortable in our current circumstances, failing to cultivate a vision for a different, more fulfilling life.

Our lives are shaped not only by our perception of the world but also by our self-perception (i.e. Our life is defined not only by what we think about it, but also what we think of ourself).

• Self-sabotage, a pervasive force, often obstructs our path to our desired outcomes.
• It manifest as resistance to the unknown or progress, fear of uprooting, perfectionism, disorganization, judging others, pride, guilt of succeeding, down playing, unhealthy habits, being "busy", pain, discomfort, negative associations, self-imposed limiting beliefs (e.g., 'I'm not smart' or 'I'm not pretty') or irrational fears, such as the fear of failing, being disliked or losing a job.
• In denial, we frequently blame external factors for our situation, reinforcing this with self-justifying beliefs.
• Ultimately, this behaviour stems from a disbelief in our own capabilities, serving as a coping mechanism to avoid consciously addressing our core needs.
• Paradoxically, success can make you less liked, love can make you more vulnerable, unattractiveness can act as a shield, playing small can avoid scrutiny, and procrastination can offer a false sense of comfort.

Overcoming self-sabotage requires a profound psychological excavation to challenge and dismantle ingrained, illogical beliefs.

• The ultimate act of self-love is to embrace full accountability and reject a life of unhappiness.
• At this critical juncture, we choose between reconciling (making peace) with the past or committing to transformative change.
• Breaking free from self-sabotage necessitates a radical overhaul of our familiar life, involving sacrifices of comfort, sense of direction, and even relationships. It also requires confronting the very emotions we have long avoided, all in pursuit for a revitalized beginning.
• This transformation demands pinpointing past traumas, releasing the past and unprocessed emotions, cultivating healthier strategies for meeting our needs, reimagining our self-image, and developing emotional intelligence.

NOTE: Chapter 2 provides a detailed description of self-sabotaging behaviours and their underlying coping mechanisms.

Listen to the Internal Voice

Each negative emotion triggers (e.g. anger, sadness, guilt, embarrassment, jealousy, resentment, regret, chronic fear) reveals important truths about ourselves, illuminating our needs and desires to guide us towards freedom.

• Anger highlights the aspects of ourselves and our values that we deeply care about; it is the destructive aggression we must resist, not the emotion itself.
• Sadness is a natural response to the loss of something we treasure, whether a relationship, a person, or the disappointment of unmet expectations.
• Embarrassment arises when we feel we have fallen short of our own standards of performance. However, genuine confidence in our best efforts should mitigate excessive feelings of embarrassment.
• If you want to discover what you truly want in life, pay attention to the people you are jealous of and the things you regret.

Despite living in an age that promotes self-sufficiency, many people still require another person's presence, validation, or company for a sense of safety.

• Instead of viewing self-sabotaging behaviours as inherently negative, we should recognize them as internal cues from our subconscious, revealing our underlying wants.
• Deep down, we possess an intuitive understanding of the truths in our lives, and by extension, our future. Consequently, the 'gut feeling' or instinct that precedes logic is often correct.
• Instinct is an intuitive yet rational response to the present, independent of conscious thoughts, whereas imagination, often manifesting as intruding thoughts, projects our hopes and fears onto the future.

NOTE: Chapter 3 provides practical guidance on interpreting negative emotions as a route to freedom and utilizing our internal instincts ('the little voice' of our subconscious mind) to address our needs.

Building Emotional Intelligence

Ultimately, self-sabotage is a product of low emotional intelligence.

• Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, interpret and respond to emotions in an enlightened and healthy way.
• Developing high emotional intelligence leads to better social interactions with a wide range of people, increased contentment and satisfaction in everyday experiences, and the ability to express genuine emotions.

Neurologically, when we acquire something we deeply desire, we often immediately begin wanting more.

• Dopamine, the pleasure-inducing chemical, diminishes after acquisition, leading us into an endless cycle of chasing instead of contentment with "having".
• Beyond this deeply ingrained mental state of 'wanting,' we also fear losing what we've gained and engage in self-sabotaging behaviours as a form of self-protection against loss, rejection, jealousy, and failure.
• Instead of being governed by our feelings and emotions, we must utilize our higher intelligence to consciously decide where we want to go and who we want to be.

Change should occur through microshifts - tiny, nearly undetectable restructurings of our day-to-day habits. These, through compounding and momentum, can enact significant, sweeping transformations, as illustrated in "Atomic Habits" by James Clear.

• Our subconscious mind protects our comfort zones through homeostatic impulses.
• Therefore, when undergoing a healing or change process, we must allow our bodies to adapt to a new sense of normalcy.
• All change, no matter how positive, will feel uncomfortable until it becomes familiar.
• Furthermore, change elicits stress (i.e. the adjustment shock), especially for those predisposed to anxiety and depression.
• Consequently, attempting drastic breakthrough changes frequently leads to a reversion to old selves.

Psychic thinking often involves assuming you know what someone else is thinking or intends to do.

• This can be exacerbated by 'confirmation bias,' where we selectively seek and interpret information that supports our pre-existing beliefs.
• 'Extrapolation' further distorts our perception by leading us to assume that our current circumstances will never change, which is demonstrably untrue.
• The 'spotlight effect' creates the false impression that everyone is constantly focused on us, stemming from stemming our constant self-centered thoughts and interests.

Much of the anxiety experienced in life stems from inefficient critical thinking skills.

• You might attribute your anxiety to being an overthinker, obsessing about unlikely and frightening scenarios more than is reasonable.
• However, the truth is often the opposite: you are an under-thinker, experiencing a logical lapse.
• Instead of thoroughly analyzing the issue, you jump to the worst-case scenario and engage in a fight-or-flight response.
• You rarely consider how you would navigate the situation appropriately and eventually move on with your life afterward.
• Worrying is the weakest defense against the fear of that "least likely scenario".
• Conversely, we can take action to prepare for such scenarios.
• Mental strength is not hoping that nothing ever goes wrong, but believing we have the capacity to handle it well if it does.

Releasing the Past

Over time, we are meant to change and evolve, much like our body's cells are constantly being replaced.

• Much of our profound suffering stems from resisting change in our lives, instead carrying unresolved emotions from the past into the future.
• Releasing the past is a practice, a process that must be learned.

You cannot force yourself to let go, not matter how intensely you know you want to.

• You cannot simply 'move on' when someone tells you to, especially when dealing with persons and experiences that have consumed significant portions of your life.
• A forced 'let go' only makes us grip onto it harder and tighter than ever before.
• Instead, allow yourself to cry for as long as needed, and let yourself experience the collapse and crumble.
• Letting go begins when you realize that clinging to the ruins of your past prevents you from finding peace, and you decide to start building something new in your life, piece by piece.

You are not devastated by a breakup or a loss itself, but rather by becoming mentally trapped in those places where you still crave the experience.

• You refuse to free yourselves, preventing you from moving forward and recreating that experience in real time.
• You need to reassure your younger self that everything will be okay, and that life will ultimately turn out well.
• All you have to do is release the old attachment and allow yourself to reattach to the present moment.
• Your reality is often distorted by unhealthy attachments to the past.
• You cannot change what happened in the past, but by shifting your perspective of it, you can change how you are right now.
• Only then can you become who you have always wanted, create what you have always wanted and have what you have always wanted.

Another important aspect of life is letting go of unrealistic expectations.

• You do not need to fix every flaw, master every challenge, or achieve every perfection in your body, achievements or wealthy to be “okay”.
• Instead, embrace who you truly are, confront the discomfort of change and enjoy the goodness of life.

There is nothing that you can do to win someone or something not meant for us.

• You can fight with all your might, or persist for as long as possible, but it will only result in an endless wait.
• Forcing someone to fit into your life is unsustainable, creating internal conflict and a distorted perception of the relationship’s potential.
• Instinctively, we often know it is wrong, yet we fear letting go, trapped in the assumption that nothing better will replace it.
• This self-imposed fantasy breeds insecurity and leads to greater collapse when we resist and hold back.
• Ultimately, when you are ready, you release your grip, face reality and move on.

Past emotional trauma can trigger a fight-or-flight response when faced with perceived threat.

• To rebuild a fundamental sense of safety, it is essential to gradually reintroduce stressors from the affected area of life, demonstrating one’s ability to cope to his mind.
• Frequently, individuals attempt to overcompensate in unrelated areas. For instance, those who have experienced relationship trauma might accumulate wealth or strive for success and attractiveness as a means of feeling secure. However, this approach does not address the underlying emotional trauma; it merely serves as an escape.
• Instead, true healing involves directly addressing the source of the trauma. If traumatized by a relationship, we restore a sense of safety by cultivating healthy, safe connections. If traumatized by financial instability, we regain security by saving for emergencies. If traumatized for bullying, we rebuild safety by establishing supportive friendships.

There are several ways to release emotions stored in our bodies that were not fully expressed.

• Instead of meditating to achieve calmness, meditate to simply observe thoughts and feelings as they arise and pass.
• Utilize breath scans to identify residual tension within the body.
• Engage in physical activity such as intense workouts, yoga, stretching or walking.
• Allow yourself to cry and release what is troubling you.

Remember, emotional health is not about experiencing constant calmness and happiness.

• Rather, it is about allowing a full spectrum of emotions, both positive and negative, and avoiding prolonged fixation on any single one.

Healing your mind involves a profound transformation, essentially becoming someone capable of thriving in your current circumstances.

• This requires honestly confronting deeply rooted heartache until you no longer resist it as part of your life - finding peace by resolving unsettled emotions.
• While this process can be challenging and push past self-imposed limits, it is the necessary path to becoming the person you aspire to be, with greater control over your life.

Moving forward is never about seeking revenge.

• The real glow-up is not about proving past acquaintances wrong, but about becoming so content and hopeful about your future and potential that you stop thinking about them entirely.
• We should not create a narrative intended to convince others we are doing better, while still feeling empty inside.
• After all, there is no before and after in life and everyone is preoccupied with their own lives

NOTE: Chapter 5 presents a spiritual journey, guiding you through the steps of releasing the past and entering the field of infinite potential.

Building A New Future

Having released past experiences, you must now direct your attention toward constructing a new present and future. The work now is to

• Envision who you want to be
• Identifying your life's end goals allows you to work backward and plan the steps you need to take.
• Connect with the powerful version of yourself
• Imagine your highest potential future self sitting down and handing you the key messages to hold onto, as you would advise your past self.
• Design your life throughout your daily routine, while adopting own principles
• For example, if you value relationships, you will prioritize them when given the opportunity.
• If financial freedom is the guiding principle, you will allocate extra cash towards debt repayment and savings accumulation.
• Uncover your true purpose for being.
• Finding your purpose is not necessarily about devoting your life to a single goal; it can extend beyond just a job, a relationship, or any specific thing, and, crucially, it is dynamic and constantly changing.

From Self-Sabotage to Self-Mastery

Self-sabotage involves emotional suppression, where a person denies or ignores their true emotional reaction to an experience. This coping mechanism, however, will eventually lead to a breakdown.

• To truly master the mind, the Buddhists practice non-attachment, in which they sit placidly, breathe steadily and allow thoughts to rise, cohere and then pass.
• Instead of suppressing our feelings, we are encouraged to recognize them and choose how to respond.
• After all, mental health is not measured by how happy we seem, how perfect things are, or how unconditionally 'positive' we can be, but by our ability to navigate daily life and occasional challenges with fluidity and reason, preventing us from being stifled or held back by ourselves.

Inner peace is the state of being connected to the deep internal knowing that everything is okay and always will be.

• Thoughts and actions are like stones dropped into water, creating a ripple effect.
• The purpose of meditation is to quiet the mind, allowing the water to return to its natural stillness.
• You do not need to force the water to be still; it achieves stillness on its own when you cease interrupting it.
• Moreover, the pursuit of happiness through money, relationships, or promotions is a chase after fleeting shadows, an illusory reality we were conditioned to associate with happiness from childhood that leaves us lost.
• It is only being completely at peace with whenever you are in any given day that you will find a genuine sense of wonder, presence and joy.
• To find inner peace, you must choose to face the discomfort you have been resisting, and consistently remind yourself that your worries are unnecessary, as you have overcome past difficulties and continue to do so.

Mentally strong people are planners; they think ahead, prepare and do what is the best for the long-term outcome.

• On the other hand, worrying disconnects you from the moment, especially you are not taking any fixation steps.

Always remember that nobody is thinking about you in the way you think they are thinking about you.

• They are mostly thinking of themselves.
• Most of the time, nobody cares about you accomplishments.

NOTE: Chapter 6 and 7 revisits the application of principles from previous chapters for daily practice in future scenarios and self-mastery.

Summary

True and lasting change originates from within.

• To experience a life of fulfilment, wonder and joy, we must develop the courage and clarity to ascend our personal mountains, ultimately reaching our desired self.
• Unlike the "Let Them Theory" which can be dismissive by focusing on releasing control over others and emphasizing actionable steps, "The Mountain Is You" offers a holistic and constructive framework for internal emotional healing.

For a deeper and thorough exploration of the spiritual journey, consider reading "The Mountain Is You".

• This is merely the tip of the iceberg of what the book offers.