The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Introduction

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, first published in 1989, is a business and self-help book by Stephen R. Covey.

• A sequel, titled The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, followed in 2004.

Deep Roots for Lasting Solutions

Character ethic is considered the foundation of success. It emphasized deep-seated principles (e.g. integrity, humility, temperance, courage, justice, patience, simplicity and modesty) and habits that became ingrained in one's nature.

• These principles are fundamental, universal across cultures and religions, self-evident ad capable of guiding our behaviours towards true success and happiness.

In contrast, personality ethic focuses primarily on human and public relations techniques and positive mental attitudes as the key to success.

• Here, success becomes more a function of personality, public image, attitudes and behaviours, skills and techniques that lubricates the process of human interaction.
• Examples of this philosophy include "You attitude determines your altitude", "Smiling wins more friends than frowning" and "Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve".

However, significant problems cannot be solved with the same level of thinking that created them.

• Quick fixes and techniques that rely on superficial behaviours (the focus of personality ethics) - such as forced smiles, faked interest or exaggerated positivity - might yield short-term results but lack long-term value. Pretense does not address underlying problems; eventually, new symptoms will surface.
• Over time, life's challenges will reveal true motives, ultimately leading to the failure of relationships built on pretense.
• Similarly, cramming for exams may bring good grades, but it does not guarantee true mastery of the subject.

In all aspects of life, there are sequential stages of growth and development. Just as a child learns to turn over, sit up, crawl, walk and then run, each step is important and takes time. No step can be skipped.

• Therefore, the focus should be on building a stronger foundation of integrity in character (a paradigm shift from the inside out).
• The truth is that we perceive the world not as it objectively is, but through the lens of our experiences and assumptions.
• The shift in our paradigm will fundamentally change our attitudes and behaviours. It is like seeing the world in a different light, leading us to act differently.

The Power of Habits: Shaping Who We Are

Our character, in essence, is a composite of our habits.

• These consistent, often unconscious patterns express themselves daily, shaping our effectiveness and defining who we are.

Luckily, habits can be learned and unlearned, but involves a dedicated process and a tremendous commitment.

• Breaking deeply imbedded habitual tendencies such as procrastination, impatience or selfishness, takes significant effort, especially at the outset. But once we break free from their gravitational pull, a whole new dimension of freedom opens up.

To successfully integrate a new habit into our lives, three key elements are essential.

• Knowledge - the theoretical paradigm, the "what" and "why" behind the habit.
• Skill - the "how to" do.
• Desire - the motivation, the driving force that fuels our commitment.
  

The 7 Habits and the Path to Effectiveness

In harmony with the natural laws of growth, The 7 Habits provide an incremental, sequential, highly integrated approach to the development of personal and interpersonal effectiveness.

• These habits progressively guide us on a Maturity Continuum, from dependence to independence, and ultimately interdependence.
• While independence is a significant achievement compared to dependence, it is not the ultimate goal.
  
• Independent people who lack the maturity for interdependent thinking and action may excel as individual producers, but struggle as leaders or team players. They lack the "we achieve greater things together" mindset crucial for success in marriage, families and organizational settings.
• Effective interdependence can only be built on a foundation of true independence. Private Victory precedes Public Victory.
  

As Aesop's fable of the goose and the golden egg illustrates, true effectiveness lies in the balance between production (P) and production capability (PC).

• P represents the desired results, the golden egg.
• PC signifies the ability or asset that produces the golden eggs, such as physical, financial and human resources.
• Excessive focus on P can lead to ruined health, worn-out machines, depleted bank accounts, and broken relationships.
• In organizations, the PC principle emphasizes treating employees the way you want them to treat your best customers.

Private Victory

Habit 1 (Be proactive) says you are the creator. Habit 2 (Begin with the end in mind) is the first or mental creation based on imagination. Habit 3 (Put first thing first) is the practical fulfilment of Habits 1 and 2.

Habit 1: Be Proactive

Proactivity goes beyond simply taking initiative. It is the understanding that, as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives.

• Highly proactive people recognize the ability to choose their response.
• They do not blame circumstances, conditions or conditioning for their behaviour.
• Proactive behaviour is a conscious choice, based on values, rather than a reaction dictated by their feelings or circumstances.
  
• Reactive people, on the other hand, are often heavily affected by their environment, both physical (e.g. weather) and social (e.g. treatment by others).
  

Proactive people take initiative and responsibility to make things happen.

• They focus on what they can control and take action (elements within circle of influence, e.g. health, children or problems at work; NOT on things over which they have little or no control, e.g. the national debt, terrorism or the weather), rather than wasting energy on blame and accusations.
  
• When faced with problems outside their control, they choose a positive response (e.g. smiling) and learning to live with them.

In life, you either act or you are acted upon.

• The most transformative change comes from within.
• Focus on "I can be more ..." rather than dwelling on "if only I had ..." or “I have to …”.

 

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

The most fundamental application of "begin with the end in mind" is to start each day with a clear vision of your life's ultimate goals. Imagine your ideal life at its conclusion - a picture, a feeling or a guiding principle.

• By keeping this vision at the forefront of your mind, you can ensure that your daily decisions and actions align with what truly matters to you.
• Many get caught up in the busyness of life, working relentlessly to climb the ladder of success, only to discover that these victories are empty. The things that truly mattered most (e.g. family, relationship, personal fulfilment) have slipped away.

One of the best ways to incorporate Habit 2 into your life is to develop a Personal Mission Statement.

• The key to meaningful change lies in understanding your unchanging core: who you are, what you are about, and what you value.
• A well-crafted personal mission statement captures who you want to be (character) and what you want to achieve (contributions and achievements). It should be grounded in your core values and principles, encompassing the various roles you play throughout your life (e.g. as family member, friend and professional). This statement should be reviewed and revised periodically to reflect changes in perspective or priorities.
  

Effectiveness, often even survival, does not depend solely on how much effort we expend, but on whether that effort is directed towards the right goals.

• Do not just act; think first!
• Hence, an effective goal focuses primarily on results, rather than activity. Everything else - strategies, tactics, even the path itself - can change and adapt as circumstances evolve.

An effective organizational mission statement (including those for families) should be built on the collective input of everyone involved, not just dictated by the top strategy planners.

• Remember, no involvement, no commitment.

 

Habit 3: Put First Things First

While leadership (as embodied in Habit 2) defines the "first things" (priorities), effective management (the core of Habit 3) is the discipline of carrying them out.

• It is the independent will that empowers you to take action, even when it is difficult or unpleasant.
  

Personal management techniques have evolved alongside our understanding of productivity, reflecting our changing needs and priorities.

• 1st generation - Relied on notes and checklists to recognize and manage demands.
  
• 2nd generation - Focused on calendars and appointments to schedule events and activities in the future.
• 3rd generation - Introduced goal setting (e.g. long-, intermediate and short-term). Prioritization and daily planning became key to ensure focused action towards those goals.
  
• 4th generation - Acknowledges the importance of building and maintaining relationships, requiring a more flexible approach to management. It prioritizes effectiveness over just efficiency.
  

The essential focus of the 4th generation of management can be captured in the time management matrix (or Eisenhower matrix).

• This tool categorizes tasks based on urgency and importance.
• Urgent tasks require immediate attention, while important tasks contribute to your mission, values and high-priority goals.
  
• Effective people stay out of Quadrants III and IV because urgent or not, they are not important. They also shrink Quadrant I down to size by spending more time in Quadrant II.
• Quadrant I: Often involves solving problems or crises. Focusing solely here creates a reactive cycle with a growing Quadrant I.
• Quadrant II: Activities like relationship building, long-range planning and preventive maintenance are crucial for achieving goals. By thinking ahead, working on the roots, doing the preventive things (being proactive), you can prevent crises and manage your time more effectively.
• Initially, before shrinking Quadrant I, you may need to say "no" more often to activities in Quadrants III and IV to free up time for Quadrant II activities.
  

To achieve a well-balanced and fulfilling life (encompassing both health and relationships) with limited time and energy, the key to effective management lies in mastering delegation to skilled and trained personnel.

• Specifically, this applies to tasks in Quadrant III.

There are two primary approaches for delegation:

• Gofer delegation is a micromanagement style where you assign tasks with constant instruction ("Go for this, go for that, do this, do that, and tell me when it is done").
• Steward delegation focuses on the desired outcome, instead of methods. It requires clear, up-front mutual understanding and commitment regarding expectations in five key areas: desired results, guidelines, resources, accountability and consequences.
  

The Emotional Bank Account: Building Trust in Relationships

An emotional bank account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that has been built up in a relationship. It is the feeling of safeness you have with another human being.

• By making "deposits" of courtesy, kindness, honesty and keeping commitments, you build up a reserve of trust. This trust allows for withdrawals, like making mistakes or miscommunicating, without jeopardizing the relationship.
• However, frequent withdrawals through disrespect, ignore someone or betraying their trust will eventually deplete the trust reserve. This fosters a tense environment of hostility and defensiveness, triggering the fight or flight response.

In most long-term relationships, like marriage, constant deposits are required.

• This is because with continuing expectations and interactions, old deposits evaporate.
• Regular acts of kindness and consideration are necessary to maintain a healthy level of trust.
• Also, building and repairing relationships takes time. If you become impatient with a perceived lack of response or seeming ingratitude, you may make large withdrawals and undo all the good you have done.
  

Six major deposits for building trust

• Seeking to understand the individual
• You simply cannot know what constitutes a deposit to another person until you understand the individual.
• What might be a deposit for you (e.g. going for a walk) might not be perceived by someone else as a deposit at all or even worse, as a withdrawal, because it does not touch the person's deep interests or needs.
  
• Attending to the little things
• In relationships, the little things (e.g. kindnesses, courtesies, or disrespect) are the big things.
• People are very tender, very sensitive inside.
• Keeping a commitment or a promise
  
•  Breaking a promise is a major withdrawal.
• In fact, there is probably no greater withdrawal than to make a promise that is important to someone and then not to come through. The next time a promise is made, they would not believe it.
• People build hopes around promises, so fulfil whenever possible.
  
• Clarifying expectations
  
• Many relationship difficulties stems from conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals.
  
• Unclear expectations will lead to misunderstanding, disappointment and withdrawals of trust.
  
• Showing personal integrity
• Personal integrity, demonstrated by keeping promises, fulfilling expectations and loyal to those who are not present, generates trust.
• Duplicity (being two-faced) destroys trust. Would you trust someone who sweet-talk you to your face and bad-mouth you behind your back? Would you trust someone who betray another person by saying "I really should not tell you this, but since you are my friend…"?
• Apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawal
• Sincere apologies make deposits; repeated apologies interpreted as insincere make withdrawals.
• People will forgive mistakes of judgement, but not mistakes of the heart (the ill intentions, the bad motives, the prideful justifying cover-ups of the first mistake).
  

 

 

Public Victory

Habit 4 (Think Win/Win) is the foundation of effective relationships. The route for getting there is to practice Habit 5 (Seek First to Understand). And the fruit your produce is Habit 6 (Synergy).

Habit 4: Think Win/Win

Most people view the world in terms of dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or softball, win or lose.

• The Win/Win philosophy, however, is based on a different paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person's success not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others.
• Win/Win sees life as a cooperative arena where people can work together to achieve mutually beneficial outcomes. It emphasizes collaboration, not competition.
• Competition lies at the core of educational process where students often compared to his peers. Nonetheless, Win/Win philosophy can still be applied through healthy competition and collaborative learning (learn from each other's strengths and weaknesses).
  

Anything less than Win/Win (e.g. Win/Lose, Lose/Win or Lose/Lose) in an interdependent reality is a poor second best that will have impact in the long-term relationship.

• Nonetheless, maintaining relationships often requires compromise.  A "No Deal" approach, where neither party gets what they want, is rarely a viable option.
  

Three character traits essential to the Win/Win paradigm are

• Integrity (developed through Habits 1, 2 and 3) - Making and keeping meaningful promises and commitments build trusts.
• Maturity - The balance between courage and consideration.
• Abundance mentality - There is plenty out there for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, recognition, profits and decision making.
  

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

Seek first to understand, or diagnose before you prescribe, is a correct principle manifest in many areas of life (e.g. optometrist, physician, salesperson, lawyer, engineer, teacher and etc.)

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand (emphatic listening); they listen with intent to reply (e.g. fix things up with good advice).

• They are speaking or preparing to speak.
• They are filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives.

4 developmental stages of emphatic listening

• Mimic content
• Rephrase the content
• Reflect feeling
• Rephrase the content and reflect the feeling

Habit 5 is expressed in the ancient Greek philosophy of three sequentially arranged modes of persuasion.

• Ethos - Personal credibility (the trust in Emotional Bank Account)
• Pathos - Emphatic side (the alignment with the emotional thrust of another person's communication)
• Logos - Logic (the reasoning part of the presentation).

Habit 6: Synergize

Synergy implies that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

• It arises from the practice of creative cooperation. It is about teamwork, open-mindedness, and the thrill of finding new solutions to old problems.

The core principle of synergy is to value differences. It is about respecting them, building on strengths, and compensating for weaknesses.

• Life is not always a black-and-white either/or proposition.
• As the saying goes, if two people always agree, one is unnecessary.

 

Renewal

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Sharpen the saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have - you.

• In essence, it means having a balanced program for self-renewal in the four key areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental and spiritual.
  
• Renewal empowers us to move on an upward spiral of growth, change and continuous improvement.
• To keep progressing, we must continuously learn, commit and do.

Social Mirror

Stephen Covey, in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", discusses the concept of scripting others in Habit 7.

• He highlights the powerful influence of someone believing in you when you doubt yourself.
• This positive belief essentially acts as a script for success, impacting your life in a profound way.

Most people are a function of the social mirror, scripted by the opinions, the perceptions, the paradigms of the people around them.

• These paradigms - mental frameworks - can become self-fulfilling prophecies. Words, like powerful spells, can script others' beliefs and behaviour.

Don Miguel Ruiz's book "The Four Agreements" delves deeper into this concept.

Summary

The most important aspect of The 7 Habits lies in its emphasis on building character based on timeless principles, rather than the pursuit of externally defined success, such as wealth or recognition.

• As we become independent - proactive, centered in correct principles, value driven, and able to organize and execute around the priorities in our life with integrity - we then can choose to become interdependent - capable of building rich, enduring, highly productive relationships with other people.

Remember, all habits are highly interconnected; each habit builds on and reinforces the others, creating a synergy that amplifies their effectiveness.

• The more proactive you are (Habit 1), the more effectively you can exercise personal leadership (Habit 2) and management (Habit 3) in your life. The more effectively you manage your life (Habit 3), the more Quadrant II renewing activities you can do (Habit 7). The more you seek first to understand (Habit 5), the more effectively you can go for synergetic Win/Win solutions (Habits 4 and 6). The more you improve in any of the habits that lead to independence (Habits 1, 2, and 3), the more effective you will be in interdependent situations (Habits 4, 5, and 6). And renewal (Habit 7) is the process of renewing all the habits.