Happiness

Introduction

Reading through various books, you may come across various approaches to happiness.

• One saying often quoted is, "In life, it is not about doing what you like, but liking what you do."
• The "Let Them Theory" highlights that the source of unhappiness often stems from the unrealistic expectation of controlling people and situations. Instead of becoming frustrated by others' actions or negative circumstances, allow them to happen and make peace with them, while taking the initiative to do what you enjoy.
• This core idea coincides with Habit 1 in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Be proactive by controlling how you respond to situations, whether good or bad.
• Some books, such as Same As Ever, even argue that we live more privileged lives compared to our ancestors, yet we have grown to not appreciate it.
• In the book Leaders Eat Last, Simon Sinek argues that we are too accustomed to the instant gratification of dopamine release for quick successes, but fail to recognize the often dull and persistent hard work that ultimately leads to "overnight" success.

All in all, happiness can be seen as a mental state of joy based on how we perceive the world.

• Life experiences have shaped how we react to and interpret the world in different ways.
• However, a fundamental truth about happiness remains: have minimal expectations in life.
• There is no one who will constantly understand and support you in all conditions, including romantic partners.
• It is highly unlikely that our lives will be perpetually full of happiness, but we need the strength to embrace challenges and difficulties, as illustrated in The Mountain is You.

First, Who Am I?

From a young age, we are exposed to various living experiences, but generally, we react positively to praise, success, and freedom.

• Due to both positive reinforcement (e.g., recognition and praise) and negative reinforcement (e.g., scolding and punishments), we often grow up trying to live up to others' expectations.
• For the things we deeply desire, we are often too scared to pursue them, especially if it might disappoint others or if we fear underperforming.
• It is often later in life that we encounter authors who argue that happiness lies in leading a joyful and free life as you envision it, because life is too short for regrets, and you only live once.

Developing the mindset to live in a way that aligns with our desires, without being overly concerned with others' perceptions and expectations, is challenging to cultivate, even though it sounds logical.

• We have been taught good virtues since childhood, such as honesty, bravery, kindness, and gentleness.
• Therefore, leading a life that seems to go against these fundamental beliefs can feel uneasy.
• Consequently, the first step might be a fundamental shift in who you believe yourself to be or the kind of personality you embrace.
• My personal reflection is that I am not inherently noble, and may even have selfish tendencies at times. While I do not engage in illegal activities or intentionally harm others, I do not feel obligated to please everyone to ensure their happiness. I offer help when I genuinely wish to.
• It is crucial to have realistic expectations about who you can be and the extent to which you can help others.
• Taking on other people's problems and their emotional burdens can hinder your own progress, especially when those issues are not primarily your responsibility.

Second, All Litte Things

Life itself is a continuous flow toward death, where each action and significant event we undergo or will experience is merely a splash in a vast ocean.

• When we stand at a higher vantage point, all the frustrations and unhappiness over trivial matters seem insignificant in the end.
• Hence, forgiving yourself and making peace with your past is the greatest salvation you can offer yourself in life.
• There are unintentional mistakes that lead to significant negative consequences that you may regret.
• There are failures that can make you feel like your life is unworthy of something better.
• Moreover, sometimes, we develop feelings of hatred towards others due to small disagreements or irritations.
• The past is something we cannot fix or amend, but the present and future are what we can work on to improve.

We often believe that as grown adults, we should not cry to release emotional burdens.

• On the other hand, we sometimes choose to vent our frustrations and stress by scolding people we encounter.
• A colleague once said that if you meet an illogical and demanding customer who scolds you to release their stress, allow them to do so. They may simply need someone to be there for them, even temporarily, before moving on with their lives.
• At work, I always adhere to this: work is work, and it is best not to take everything too seriously, because ultimately, it may not matter much. Inner emotional turmoil only drains you and prevents you from having a fulfilling life outside of work.

Third, Low Expectations

The Eastern education system has often trained us to aim for achieving better results, where failures or losses are seen as undesirable.

• However, in reality, there are no definitive failures or successes. Therefore, instead of pushing yourself too hard, consider slowing down to appreciate the peace in life.
• In adulthood, many chase after wealth, often defining success not through professional qualifications but by salary income.
• However, higher salaries are frequently associated with greater stress, less personal free time, and sometimes sacrificing valuable health for relatively little financial gain.
• The key is not necessarily to accumulate vast riches and compete with wealthier individuals, but to feel grateful for having the financial stability to lead a secure life.

One of the greatest disappointments in life stems from having exaggerated expectations.

• Drama and social media have often distorted our perception of life, sometimes associating romantic ideals with expensive meals and travel.
• These lifestyle expenses can lead to greater expenditures, sometimes exceeding our income and often proving unsustainable in the long term.
• Because of what others possess, we may feel we should also have it, leading to disappointment.
• We also become frustrated with those who we feel do not understand our wants or do not give us what we desire, yet we often fail to communicate our needs effectively.
• Therefore, it is wise to cultivate low and realistic expectations in life.

Summary

At different stages in life, our priorities may shift.

• For instance, during our younger years, academic performance, friendships, and an adventurous lifestyle are often what we look forward to most.
• However, as we grow older, we tend to slow down and appreciate the small moments in life.
• As long as our health permits, we want to continue doing what we enjoy.